Waiting

I hate waiting.

I want it to be Thursday so I can take Joshua to the neurosurgeon so she can examine him and talk to me about the MRIs (I've looked at them, compared them to past MRIs & gotten the radiologist's report, but Dr. W's opinion is the one that counts in this situation) and tell me what we're going to do.

I'm terrified of what she might say.

Without going all drama llama on you, the blunt truth is that no option really looks very good. Either Dr. W will say that Joshua's got good fluid flow around the back of his head (where his chiari is) or she'll say it's blocked. If he's got good flow, then that means increased intracranial pressure is the most-likely culprit for his chiari symptoms and we need to treat it. The problem with that is there's just two choices for treatment: medication or a shunt. I've already explained why she doesn't want to do a shunt, but the medication option is not working well and is guaranteed to not be possible long-term, so what does that leave us? Nothing but trying the shunt with all of its predicted complications. If Joshua's got a blockage of cerebrospinal fluid, then he would need decompression #4 and we may STILL need to deal with the issue of a shunt down the road since decompression surgery does not address the issue of pseudotumor cerebri directly (though opening the dura would lower the pressure for a few weeks, so Joshua would get temporary relief from PTC symptoms as he has in the past after a decompression surgery).

As for his back, I've no doubt he's tethered significantly ~ his symptoms leave me zero doubt ~ but that does not necessarily mean the neurosurgeon will think he needs to be detethered now. It's always a benefit vs. risk analysis and I don't know if he's "bad enough" that it will justify her opening his back yet again for detethering #5. Truthfully, I hope he is, not because I want him to have more surgery, but because I want him to get relief from his symptoms.

I wish I knew already what the plan was going to be. I have the unofficial opinion of one person to draw off of and my own experience with Joshua and his past MRIs to look at as I try to speculate about the potential options available, but ultimately, the final decisions are not mine to make. And the waiting is really difficult.

I think part of the stress stems from knowing that Joshua is in a serious situation and I don't have any knowledge that can fix it this time. In every circumstance to date, I have been able to google, do research and figure out what the problem was & how to treat it. I've printed off information for Joshua's doctors when needed to ensure everyone is on the same page, and I've generally had a sense of knowing what was going on and what steps to take. But now there's a problem that I don't know how to fix. The treatment for the condition works in only 50% of patients and there's a strong possibility that my child won't do well with it, which is why his doctor doesn't want to do it. But without treatment, he's guaranteed severe chronic pain (that could most-likely be managed with strong narcotics like fentanyl patches or IV drugs through his port, but who wants to make their 3.5 year old dependent on pain meds to live?) & the potential for the condition to end his life. So, basically, with or without treatment, he could wind up with the same ending and a sucky journey on the way there. And while my husband and I can tell the neurosurgeon our opinions, the final decision is hers to make because we can't force her to put in a shunt or do any other procedure that she doesn't want to do.

It's waiting to hear what she wants to do that has me on edge.

I know what I am supposed to do: pray. I have been. Charley has been. He calls me every day to talk and to pray with me over the phone. Know what God has been telling me/us? That Joshua is His. That I am to give my control over Joshua to Him (ie: trust Him with the son that He has given me, no matter what the outcome). That this time, I won't be able to wrap my mind around what is happening or figure out the answer. That we are to enjoy the time we have with Joshua NOW ~ that thinking about future days is okay to do, but we can't let it prevent us from enjoying the time we have with our son. That we are to walk by faith and not by sight ~ no matter what the situation LOOKS like, we're to have faith (which is defined in the Bible as "belief in things hoped for and not yet seen"). He has given us songs (most recently, "That's What Faith Can Do" by Kutlass and "He Is" by Mark Schultz) since music 'speaks' to both of us so strongly. Everything comes back to trust, faith and control. Trusting Him, having faith and giving up control of the situation.

This trust, faith and control bit is just as hard as waiting. I'm working on it, though. I have a deep sense within me that I need to be walking closely with God this go-round, and that kind of scares me because I don't know what lies ahead and I'm not at a place where I can truly say I'm at peace with whatever outcome God brings for Joshua. I want him here and I want him to be pain-free and "okay". I guess that's where faith and trust come in, huh? And giving up control so God can do His thing. Like I said, I'm working on it.

But I still wish it were Thursday already.

Here But Not Here

Just popping in to say that while I'm not yet home, I'm still alive. I don't have anything interesting to blog about and I'm too tired to attempt to fake it, so really, this is just a note to say that I'll be back at the end of next week and I'll have something to blog about then.

I will say that Joshua's MRIs went fine, as did his appointment with the urologist & the urodynamics testing. The scans didn't look good (lots of scar tissue & poor fluid flow), but until I know what the neurosurgeon wants to do about it, it won't do any good to postulate what "may" happen in the upcoming future. Sooooo... I'll wait until Joshua's appointment on the 12th and we'll go from there.

Have a great week, everyone.

Heading Out Again

We leave tomorrow for Portland ("we" being Adam, Emily, Joshua & myself). Joshua will have MRIs on Friday morning and urodynamics on Friday afternoon. His appointment with the neurosurgeon is not until the 12th. However, I'll get a copy of the MRIs so I can compare them to the scans done in June and look for any obvious differences and I'll get the radiologist's report on Monday, so I'll know if anything significant is apparent before I take Joshua to see Dr. Wehby.

As always, prayer for safe travel would be appreciated, and I'll update after the appointments. Instead of coming home on Saturday, we're heading east to see our friends (with a short visit to Charley's mom, too) and then we'll come back to Portland for Joshua's appointment with the neurosurgeon before heading home again. It will be fun for Emily to see her BFF and Adam is looking forward to spending time with his significant other (of course!). I am anticipating good conversation with my friend & her spouse, a chance to relax and many opportunities to laugh, all of which I need.

Joshua is hanging in. The diamox & T3 are controlling his pain. Cathing remains difficult-to-impossible, eating is not happening much at all and... well... nothing much has changed since the last update I wrote. I'm relieved that we leave tomorrow and am hopeful that, with the doctors' help, something will be worked out to help my littlest boy.

Drugs Are My Friend, But Not Forever (I Hope)

I'd like to say that everything is much better now and I am back to being my usual optimistic self, but I'm pretty sure everyone who knows me would laugh uproariously at that statement. So instead, I'll be honest and say that while nothing about the situation has changed, I am not as sad as I've been, but I'm not feeling completely like "myself" yet. I will also take this opportunity to thank you all for your extremely kind comments on my previous "this-is-me-completely-falling-apart" post. I get nervous when I put my heart 'out there' for the world to see, but I want people to know how I truly feel about what is going on around here, and it was extremely gratifying to know that so many people sincerely care and took the time out of their lives to say something. Thank you.

Part of the improvement in my attitude stems from getting my medications adjusted. I saw my physician & she prescribed an antidepressant for me (Wellbutrin), but I'm not taking it yet since she also upped my thyroid medication after bloodwork showed my levels to be low (again) and she put me back on one of the heart medications that I'd been weaned off of in February (darn) so I kind of figured it would be intelligent to let my body get used to the new doses of those meds before I added in something new (otherwise, how would I know what side effect was related to the antidepressant versus one of the other meds?). Having my thyroid levels back in the normal range and having my blood pressure lowered to an acceptable level definitely helps me to feel a bit better. I asked my doctor why, after 8 months of stability, things were going haywire again and she answered, "Chronic stress. It packs a punch on the human body." Yeah. No kidding. I am walking proof.

Do I need antidepressants? I don't really know. I guess having a little extra serotonin would be beneficial, and I'm guessing that the medication would take care of those random thoughts of "I could just drive off the road and be done with it all." (Disclaimer: I don't actually want to commit suicide and I'm not actually going to do it. I just have weird thoughts that occasionally pop in my head when I'm feeling particularly stressed). I mentioned the antidepressants to some friends of mine who also have special needs kids and all of them admitted they take mood enhancers, too. One mom told me that her doctor told her that LOTS of parents with SN kids end up depressed and there's no shame in needing antidepressants. I'd heard that before, actually, and I have no trouble believing it's true. Caring for special needs kids, especially chronically-ill ones, is often hard.

I don't feel shame about needing medications ~ obviously not; otherwise do you really think I'd be blogging about this topic? :) ~ but I do wonder why chronic stress has this effect on the body and what a person can do to offset the negative effects aside from popping pills. I have tried relaxation techniques, deep breathing while sitting in a quiet place, exercising (still do this), making sure I get enough sleep (not always possible, but I do the best I can), drinking lots of water, staying away from caffeine, losing weight (I'm down almost 30 pounds) & eating well (which includes not engaging in stress eating, but only eating when I'm truly hungry). I listen to Christian praise & worship music (and God frequently speaks to me through those songs) and I read my Bible or other inspirational books. While those things have obviously helped in different ways, it hasn't been enough to keep my blood pressure at a normal place when Joshua is declining, nor has it kept my thyroid working at a stable level. No matter how relaxed I am, I guess my body realizes it's a fake calm and reacts accordingly. I'm not sure what else I can do. I don't mind taking meds right now, but I would like to be able to get off the two blood pressure medications and antidepressants eventually.

That goal leads me to ask, for those of you reading, tell me, how do you reduce stress in your own life? Have you found something that works for you? I'd enjoy hearing how you deal with the downers when they come.

Happy 18th Birthday, Megan

At 1:44am eighteen years ago, I finally (after 2 hours) pushed out a 7lb,12oz bundle of pink. My firstborn came into the world with a bruised head from the vacuum extractor used to help bring her forth, and a healthy set of lungs. She was beautiful, with wisps of black hair and dark blue eyes that turned brown within months of her birth.

Megan was a happy, fun little thing who did everything according to the baby development charts, leaving me no reason to worry. I have to admit, the idea of a baby NOT doing everything they're supposed to do never entered my mind. I took for granted that my baby girl would roll over, crawl, walk and talk on schedule, and she did. In fact, in the verbal department, Megs was gifted (lol). She was a chatterbox, speaking clearly and in sentences long before toddlers her age were 'supposed' to, which led strangers to assume she was much older than she was. Of course, the fact that she was much taller than her peers also contributed to that misconception. :)

My oldest has always had a love for animals, beginning with horses and branching out to include dogs and cats. In eighteen years, that has not changed at all. She is a voracious reader, tearing through hundreds of books every year. She's meticulously organized and keeps records of the books she's read, the authors she enjoys and books she wants to read in the future. Her book collection is large and diverse. Ask Megan what she would most-like to have in a house and she will immediately reply with a grin, "A library! A BIG ONE!"

Writing is another passion for my daughter. This, I freely admit, shocked me. Megan was my child who loathed writing in elementary and junior high school. Her spelling was atrocious and all of my efforts to rectify that situation seemed fruitless. She had trouble with punctuation and she loved to drop commas in the most-random places (she might have come by that one naturally, LOL)! However, after she both read and watched (and fell in love with) Lord of the Rings, she found a fan-fiction site online and joined in, writing short stories for other LOTR fans to read and critique. After that, she was hooked. She branched out to writing other fictional stories and caught the eye of the site owners of an 'exclusive' writing guild. They emailed her an invitation to join their group and, after getting me to check it out for her and giving her permission, Megan accepted the invitation and has been writing there ever since. In addition to her short stories, she has written two novels and is currently working on a third. I don't know if she'll ever be published, but I do believe my daughter has a talent for creating stories and she's become a wonderful storyteller, so maybe a published book will be in her future.

My oldest is warm, intelligent, funny as can be and possesses an incredibly tender heart. She will help anyone in need, she's caring of others, but she's strong and won't let herself be walked on, either. She bears more responsibility than most girls her age and is an amazing 'substitute-mom' when I am not around. She was my prototype and had the unfortunate distinction of being the child who had to suffer the fallout from my inexperience as a parent as I learned the ropes with her, but together, we found our way and I am impressed at what a wonderful young woman she has turned into despite my inadequacies. God really does fill in the gaps!!! :)

Megan Elizabeth, you are much-loved. I had no idea what life in 2009 would look like back on this day in 1991 when you were born, but I'm certain I never imagined you would be as beautiful as you are, both inside and out. I am so proud of you, your faith, your desire to teach others about God with your words (http://musingschristianteen.blogspot.com/), and your giftedness as a writer. Happy 18th birthday, my Goo. I'm so happy to be able to call you "my friend" as well as "my daughter."

NaNoWriMo Begins

Today marks the start of NaNoWriMo ~ aka the National Novel Writing Month. Megan and I each embark today on a journey of 50,000 words, hopefully to be completed by 11:59pm on November 30th.

I'll let you know at the end of the month whether we were winners in this endeavor. I'm pretty confident that Megan will have no trouble churning out 50,000 words. She has already written 2 novels and is working on her third, which already contains over 99,000 words. My oldest is a talented writer & loves to create stories. Me? Well, I used to love creative writing, but I haven't sat down to weave a fictional story since I was a teenager. The NaNoWriMo challenge is going to much harder for me, I suspect, especially since I have to go to Portland this week and next. Still, I committed to try, so I'm going to do my best.

Wish us luck & lots of creativity!!!

Heartache

I feel like writing, but I don't know what to say. Ever have that happen to you?

Joshua is okay. As long as he is drugged-up on diamox & tylenol with codeine, he's basically content even though he's got much less energy & stamina than is normal for him. He has short periods of breakthrough pain sometimes, but that's not happening every day. Charley said we've got Joshua in a state where he is "artificially happy". That's about right.

I wish I felt "artificially happy," too. I don't. I have a deep sadness over the ongoing situation with my son. It's been over 3 years of apprehension, hope, worry, peace, fear, happiness, abject terror (at times), incredible relief, discouragement, encouragement, confusion & clarity.... with 17 surgeries (9 major, 8 minor) tossed in the mix. There has been very little "downtime," which I define as being ""time when we can live as a normal family without a cloud of stress hovering over us." Also known as "time when Joshua is not symptomatic." Joshua was completely fine from the time he came home from the hospital at 13 days old until around the time he was 7 months old & since then, the longest period of downtime we've had is 10 weeks. That really isn't very long, but any time Joshua goes more than 4-6 weeks without symptoms rearing their ugly head again, I begin to hope that maybe this time, things will be different. Maybe this time, he's going to stay 'fixed'. Maybe I can finally relax & not keep such a vigilant watch over him. And I begin to relax. But then he'll start holding his head or back & crying out that it hurts, or he'll begin falling more often again, or his sunny disposition will become clouded by gagging & vomiting fits that induce a raging headache from their severity. Or he'll stop eating. Or his speech will begin slurring or otherwise changing. Or he'll suddenly have some new problem show up, such as the inability to lift his foot to push the button in the van that lowers his window. Some skill that he's been performing for over a year will suddenly be gone. And then I know "it" is starting again, and I have to keep track of what is happening so that I can answer the specialists' questions when they come. It's exhausting.

I don't know where things are going ~ what the future holds. The geneticist, neurologist & neurosurgeon were absolutely convinced that Joshua had a degenerative condition. I think the pediatrician thought so, as well. But a truckload of bloodwork, a skin biopsy, muscle biopsy & EMG showed otherwise. He doesn't have any degenerative condition that they can test for. And yes, that brought HUGE relief to Charley & my hearts. But it left the lingering question of, "Well then, why does he keep having problems?"

I think the answer to that question is that Joshua unfortunately has a bunch of mostly-unrelated conditions that do not mesh well. Lipomyelomeningocele is not supposed to be connected to chiari malformation type 1, gastroparesis, connective tissue problems & increased intracranial pressure. Chiari & increased intracranial pressure ARE connected, but it's supposedly a relatively-rare thing. According to studies, of all people who have chiari (1 in 10,000), only 10% of people who have a chiari decompression do not get resolution of their symptoms (90% are fine after surgery ~ David fell into that category). Of those 10% who don't get resolution after the first surgery, just over 50% have a second decompression surgery and are fine (Sarah fits in that category) and almost 50% have continuing problems because they have also Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (aka Pseudotumor Cerebri) & that chronic high pressure within the cerebrospinal fluid is actually causing the symptoms, not the chiari (which, by this point, has generally been dealt with). It's just bad luck that Joshua fell into that last category. Having a connective tissue problem is a really sucky thing in light of also having spina bifida & chiari & IIH because it is that condition that appears to be the culprit behind all of Joshua's declines (or at least a major contributor). He overproduces scar tissue and it gets lodged in unfortunate places like his brain and spinal cord & that creates its own set of problems. His dura (the sac that contains the fluid that surrounds the brain & spinal cord) also does not heal like it is supposed to (another part of his connective tissue defect), which predisposes him to large spinal fluid leaks (pseudomeningoceles) that have ultimately required surgery to drain & repair. That's why Joshua wears a compression brace after he has back surgery ~ it's an attempt at preventing a major leak and holds everything together so his dura has time to close itself off. That process always takes months rather than days. No one knows exactly why. It's just another one of Joshua's bodily quirks.

Another quirk Joshua has is that post-operatively, his GI tract likes to shut down. He doesn't digest food, he doesn't tolerate his g-tube formula, and he enters Vomit Universe, a phrase coined by one of my blog readers. In this fun-filled world, Joshua throws up everything we try to put in him. He can't tolerate one ounce of fluid dripped into his belly through his g-tube over the course of an hour. Think about that for a minute. 30 mls of pedialyte dripped at a rate of 1 ml every 2 MINUTES, and he can't keep it down. It takes a few days of trying (which means lots of puking) before his body will begin to consider tolerating fluids, and then begins the dance of 2 steps forward, 1 step back as we slowly advance Joshua's feeds with the ultimate goal being that he can keep down enough fluids to meet his daily minimum and thus get him discharged from the hospital. It's a process that has historically taken 2 to 2.5 weeks to accomplish. Is this GI issue a normal thing? Not at all. But it typically happens as a routine part of Joshua's post-operative recovery, so we're used to it. Let me tell you something, though.... being used to something does not mean that it's easy.

So... yeah, I'm sad. I fear that the combination of medical conditions Joshua has will shorten his life & I sincerely do not know how I could live without him. I cry in the night as I hold a beautiful little boy who shakes & verbally shuts down when he knows he has to go to the hospital. I hurt knowing that I can't fix this for him... that I can't keep him out of pain and out of doctor's offices. My heart aches every time I cause him pain by changing his diaper after a back surgery or give him a tubefeed or medicine that his stomach doesn't want but that I know he has to have. I feel like the world's biggest loser as I hold Joshua down for medical tests or for blood draws or IV placements. I bite my lip to not fall apart when he is clinging to me in fear and the nurses are trying to pry him out of my arms to take him back to the operating room for yet another surgery whose outcome is never certain & could potentially leave him paralyzed (or worse). I miss my other children when I am away from them for weeks at a time. I worry that they will be more negatively-impacted by Joshua's medical problems than positively affected by the character traits that are developed in these situations. I look at other 3.5 year olds who are running, jumping, climbing, eating & speaking clearly and I smile at their mothers' blissful ignorance of the horrors that can befall small children. I do not begrudge them their children and I'm not angry or asking, "Why me?" I would not wish Joshua's problems on anyone else. I simply wish that God had seen fit to let me exist in that state of blissful ignorance, as well.

It's hard, this life of chronic stress & uncertainty. The times when Joshua is doing well bring me SO much happiness that I have a hard time containing my joy. Watching him play with toys & talk himself through whatever story is unfolding in his imagination makes me simultaneously smile & get teary-eyed. To see him determinedly climb the stairs by himself and then throw his arms up in victory when he reaches the top and yell "Yea me!" makes me laugh. When Joshua is stable, he's funny & happy & I get to see his personality bubble up to the surface & overflow all over everyone around him. It's something I would probably take for granted if I didn't spend so much time praying to get another glimpse of it.

Small children should not have to suffer. I've always believed that, but the past 3 years has cemented my belief into a firm conviction. I still believe God has a purpose for all that Joshua goes through, but I am no closer to understanding why pain & misery is necessary for achieving His plan. And when I am sitting up yet one more night, trying to soothe my son as he wails in pain, my heart & mind cry along with him and I pray for comfort for Joshua, strength for me & for a healing & a miracle that I don't actually believe will ever come.

Joshua

I know I generally try to keep medical information about Joshua confined to his caringbridge site, but there's enough scary stuff going on with him that I decided to put the information here, as well. I know that God already knows the outcome to the situation we're in with my youngest, but we're supposed to seek & ask for what we want, so I figure the more people praying for Joshua, the better. It certainly isn't going to hurt.

Joshua has had continuing signs of increased intracranial pressure (the condition used to be called Pseudotumor Cerebri, but is now known as Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension ~ there's a link to the right if you want to learn more about it) and has been on a medication (Diamox) that reduces the amount of cerebrospinal fluid that his body produces, which lowers the pressure in his head/spinal canal. In the past 5 weeks, he's become increasingly symptomatic for.... something. We've assumed it's tethered cord, but it could also be chiari-related or due to high intracranial pressure. It could also be a combination of any or all of those 3. The medication negatively affects his kidneys, so he has become dehydrated and we're running a continuous feed of pedialyte at a rate of 1.67 ounces per hour (50ml/hr) to get him rehydrated and keep him out of the hospital until we can get him up to Portland. Diamox is a 'stop-gap measure', according to the doctors, since it will eventually wreck his kidneys (so he can't be on it forever and the nephrologist is watching his labs closely), but no one on his team knows how he can be treated for the increased pressure in his head/back since his connective tissue problems make putting in a shunt (the standard treatment) something the neurosurgeon wants to avoid at all costs. She very bluntly told Charley & me that she truly believes a shunt would eventually kill Joshua, so even though it would be a treatment that offered a 50% chance of rectifying the problem caused by IIH, it's not something anyone on his medical team wants to try. So what is left? We don't know, but we do know that Joshua can't possibly be the only child in the United States with a combination of lipomyelomeningocele + chiari + gastroparesis + increased intracranial pressure + connective tissue problems. Some doctor "out there" must know an alternate treatment that will work because they've used it to treat a patient of theirs. We just need to find that doctor. Somehow.

Joshua saw the ped today for an impromptu visit. She had called the neurosurgeon's office and spoken with the P.A. (our neurosurgeon is out of the office right now, but we'll be heading to Portland next week) and shared that they were 'feeling pessimisstic'. When I asked her to clarify what that meant, she said that the P.A. was honest in saying that she does not know what the neurosurgeon has up her sleeve, but that they really are not sure what to do about Joshua because his symptoms indicate he needs a shunt, but they feel they just can't safely put one in due to his issues with healing and overproducing scar tissue.

Dr. S said that the P.A. said some kids have gotten some relief from serial lumbar punctures, and she (the pediatrician, Dr. S) asked, "And who is going to be doing those? I'm NOT!" The P.A. said she understood the ped's reaction, and that they didn't want to do that with Joshua's back, either, since his lumbar spine is so messed-up. So the ped asked what else they could do and the P.A. said she didn't know, but she is hoping the neurosurgeon has an idea. She said that, based on Joshua's symptoms, pressure is obviously becoming a huge problem and they'd have to see what his scans show (he has MRIs scheduled for next week); that maybe possibly there will be something that shows up to address this problem in a simple manner, but they are pessimisstic about that actually happening.

Sooo.... bottom line is that the neurosurgical P.A. is at a loss but is hoping the neurosurgeon has some idea; however, they think they may need to transfer Joshua to a bigger facility.

Portland (where we go) is the biggest medical facility in Oregon, but Stanford & UCSF are a lot bigger. There's also doctors in Chicago & New York who may be helpful and I don't know if they will be contacted by the neurosurgeon via phone or if we'll end up taking Joshua to see them in person. I guess it all depends on what the MRIs show and what our neurosurgeon (who is fantastic) has to say.

The pediatrician said that she and the neurosurgical P.A. want me to do whatever is necessary to keep Joshua as comfortable as possible until he can be seen up north, so we're increasing his diamox dose at night and I've got permission to give him tylenol with codeine around the clock at regular intervals.

Oh, and one other tidbit: his head is growing & measuring pretty big ~ it's now 53cm. Our pediatrician measured Charley and my heads and we're both 56cm. I'm not sure what the average 3.5 year old's head circumference is, but the ped said Joshua's had gotten much larger in a short period of time & she was concerned about that.

Tonight I am feeling sad & worried for Joshua & apprehensive about potentially having to go to new doctors (breaking in new doctors is not an easy thing to do when you've got a kid who doesn't do anything by the book), but I am absolutely & thoroughly grateful for my children's pediatrician & the neurosurgical P.A. because they love Joshua and are trying everything they can think of to help him.

If you feel led to do so, please pray for my little boy. He's been through so, so much in his short life and it is truly heartbreaking to watch him suffer over & over & over with only short periods of stability in-between.

New Stuff

I have enabled anonymous comments again. I like hearing from people who read my blog & I know that logging in to blogger can be a pain sometimes, so this is my attempt to make commenting an easier thing to do. Hopefully those who were abusing the ability to comment anonymously have either matured or moved on & won't be bothering me again. I suppose time will tell.

Also, I started an adoption blog (link is to the right under "Special (to me) sites") so I can chronicle my family's journey on the path to special needs adoption. If you are interested & supportive of the idea of adoption, then please feel welcome to come visit my other site.

The Beauty of Mathematics

This is very cool & I have to admit, I really wonder who was dinking around & realized all of these patterns existed!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 + 10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Mind boggling. Now, take a look at this... 101%.

From a strictly-mathematical viewpoint, what equals 100%? What does it mean to give more than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%, right?

How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4, E=5, F=6, G=7, H=8, I=9, J=10, K=11, L=12, M=13, N=14, O=15, P=16, Q=17, R=18, S=19, T=20, U=21, V=22, W=23, X=24, Y=25, Z=26, then

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K would be 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E would be 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E would be 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

Then, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Have a great Sunday!